Being a court reporter is hard - especially when you have to keep a straight face in the middle of a trial or deposition. Disorder in the American Courts compiled real quotes from actual court proceedings for our reading pleasure. Read on for a few of our favorites!

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July 15.

Q: What year?

A: Every year. 

Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

A: I only have one, you know.

Q: How old is your son? The one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long as he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years. 

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reebok.

Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan. 

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?

A: Well I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?

A: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

What would be even funnier than hearing these in court? Sharing them with others in realtime of course. Our CAT Shuttle Local service allows you to offer local realtime using an existing network - no internet connection required.

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